6.14.2009
I landed at JFK around 6:45 AM. When I got here, I felt refreshed, optimistic, and relieved that, finally, graduation and moving were over. To top it off, I made it to New York City, where I've always always wanted to be. Never mind that I don't have my boyfriend or any close friends here, because I'm strong enough to deal with it. Not only that, but I'll be the one with experiences to envy after I've been successful in this program.
Then I got to my apartment. It's not that bad, but upon walking in, I saw the bareness of the room: some old couches, a rug, and a dilapidated old table--probably all old furniture that NYU undergraduate housing could no longer use. I realized the floor was dusty, the bathmat was gross and gray, and my room was smaller than it had ever been. At this point, it hit me that I wasn't at home or Caltech anymore, and I couldn't just spend my money to make this place as homey and mine as possible because I need to save money for my future, rent, and food.
I started off by cleaning the kitchen because I knew that I could never handle cooking or storing my food in a dirty kitchen. When I finished, I just showered and decided to go to KMart and Trader Joe's for groceries and other necessities for the household. It was a long walk to both places and I realize I probably could've just taken the subway to KMart instead of walking 20-25 minutes, but who cares? Walking allowed me to see a lot more stuff and waste a ton more time.
As the day went on, I saw more and more happy couples and groups of friends and it just reminded me of how alone I am. Everybody's in California, and I wanted to come out here on my own. Having been with my boyfriend every single day for 3 years and having gone home every other weekend during college, living alone is something I've never experienced. The uncertainty of what my next plans will be, whether or not I'll be able to make friends out here, and when I'll see my boyfriend or old friends or my mom again--all of these are terrifying prospects and I just don't like to go home.
Unfortunately, I've left a pile of work that I'll need to complete by Tuesday, so I must get to it.